The moment I realised my life is unbalanced

I’ve been on this journey of thought for a few weeks now, and I wanted to share with you one of the biggest turning points that made me realise just how un-balanced I am right now in my life.

It was a dear friend of mine that had the courage to reach out to me and tell me something that I really didn’t want to hear, but desperately needed to.

She sent me a long message, about how she had been reflecting on things and that it made her sad that we haven’t kept in touch as much as we used to. We always make the effort to see one another, and we always think of each other as being best friends, but lately out lives have drifted, and she doesn’t hear from me as much as some of our other friends and she wonders what has changed.

This hit my like a huge wave. Yes, of course I knew that we didn’t keep in touch as much as we once did, I had worked away for a long time, and she was also away living her life to the fullest, and of course I could feel how much I missed having her in my life, but I just thought that things are the way they are and they would go back to normal when we both have the time. It didn’t make me feel like she was any less of a friend to me, in fact, because we had both lived in other parts of the world, I thought that we were closer than anyone in our friendship group. However this was how my mind was imagining things were, and my reality was far from it.

This past year had changed dramatically for me, and my mind was in the middle of the ocean, with only myself to look after and think about…

That was what had changed.

I had left my life of 5 years working on cruise lines, to settle back down on land again. I had the most incredible time of my life, but as I got older I missed life on land so much. During my last contract I turned 30, and it really made me realise that I wanted to be back in the real world and get my life sorted.

It was such a huge jump for me. I was living what people would see as a life of luxury, travelling around the world, earning thousands of dollars a month, with no bills to pay, and a few months holiday a year, where I got to be a tourist and spend whatever I wanted, catch up with my friends and family, and immerse myself with them for a short period of time, before it was back to only thinking about myself for another 10 months.

As fun as it was …(and it really was!) it wasn’t reality…I was in a vacation bubble, where everyone on board was there for an experience. To see the world, to earn money and for the passengers, to rest, relax and enjoy. What an amazing world it would be if everyone was happy all the time, however this was not real life!

I needed to come home. I missed the free wifi, the latest music, cooking, and driving. So I came back, and relaxed in my own vacation bubble on land for a year.

During this time I was lucky enough to re-connect with an old friend from my job pre-cruise lines, and we got together. I moved in with him, about an hour and half south of where I’m from, and searched for a job. By that time my account was almost empty and I was desperate.

I took the first job I could, and absolutely hated it, luckily I was able to get another job, which I do enjoy and have been in for almost 5 months now.

What a big change in the space of what is now 18 months.

During this time, I was so focused on settling back into a normal life, and trying to find a place where I felt I belonged, that I lost what else is important in my life, and that is my friends and family.

My close friends have known me since I was a teenager, have been next to me through thick and thin, and have been the ones to drop everything for me when I was home from the ship, to spend that precious time together, and whilst I’ve been in my own little world, I’ve neglected those people who care so much about me.

It can’t have been easy for my friend to say those things, to give me that harsh reality of where my life really is…however I am forever grateful.

I didn’t realise just how un-balanced my life is, how I need these people in my life again, and how they help me become a more balanced and rounded person.

I’ll admit, this realisation has put me onto a bit of a rollercoaster. On the one hand I feel unbelievably grateful for all I have, and very lucky that a part of my life is settled and secure, but on the other hand, I feel so uncomfortable with the amount of time I have left in my working week to have for my own health and wellbeing, which my friends play a huge part in.

It’s been said that if you’re not happy with something, then change it, and whilst thats easier said than done, I’m putting steps in place, to make sure that one day…however far into the future that may be…that I get to live a balanced life the way that I want to, surrounded by the people I love, prioritising my health and wellbeing above all.

If anyone can relate to this, please get in touch, I’m always eager to here your journey, and share tips on finding your balance,

Thank you for reading,

Ashley x

The Reason

So this is my first post for this blog, and its pretty hard to know where to start, however I guess that sharing with you the reason that I’ve started this blog is a good place…

I’ve always thought of myself as being a pretty positive person. If anything is ever overly challenging or I find myself going through tough times in work or in life, I always manage to centre myself, think things through logically, focus on the future and remind myself the everything happens for a reason, and that I will always learn from the tough times, and it’ll make me a better person in the long run.

This method has always worked wonders for me, and I’ve been so lucky with my life. I have everything I could’ve ever wanted and yet at this moment in time I feel like theres something missing.

So now I’m on the search to find the thing that I need to enrich my life. I need to find that part of myself that I can improve on, learn and grow into, and this blog will be not only part of this process, but also as a way for me to feel gratitude and value for my life, and I look forward to sharing this with you

Ashley x

Photo; My own photo of Saunton Sands, North Devon. A favourite place of mine, close to where I grew up, and a beautiful spot for my late fathers ashes.